was good, as well as bad.

it started off good because i got a text in the morning and i made good money but it declined rapidly after that. i guess i just don’t think this whole dating thing will work out. a.) because he doesn’t seem to into as always & b.) i just rely my happiness on them too much, in my opinion. people always say nothing is wrong with me and how nice and how pretty i am but i guess it’s just hard to believe when you can’t ever get anyone to stick around..

as for my eating situation, it went fabulously. i ate a few croutons at ihop and now i’m at home and i’m making two fake strips of bacon, which together adds up to 60 calories. on top of that i ran around literally all day, i didn’t get a break between jobs. i will probably have to eat in the morning though because tomorrow is mothers day and it will be like 4 times as busy as today was and i was fucking pooped by the end.

so anyway i’m sad and i’m tired and i am just going to lay around like the loner i should accept myself to be.

i feel like people always have this per-concieved idea of who i am and i always end up disappointing them.

really talk on my normal blog now which would be preferred because i don’t come on here too often, but i need to let it out so.

i gained even more weight, up to 145 but i got it back down to 140 and i’m pretty sure it will lower some as well, at least i hope, because it has been. i work a lot, walking around all day and i don’t eat as much. i keep what i eat down, haven’t purged in maybe a week but i suppose i have fair will power. today i had a slice of bread from starbucks and that would ideally be all i eat. i think i can do it. i like to eat at the beginning of the day and get it over with that way my metabolism starts up and goes throughout the day.

i’m tired and i’m also coming down from a pretty big high. i’m not quite sure why i thought things would be different. i was pretty content being single for a while now and i am sick of always wondering how the other person feels and feeling inadequite, even if i’m not in their eyes, i know i am in my own head, that’s all that really matters.

i hate talking about my feelings. i see why i always end up being a loner.

i feel like binging just for the sole purpose of purging because i always feel good after i’ve purged, like i did something right.

fuck you sean.